Quotes from The 5 Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman

The 5 Love Languages—Quotes

Book by Dr. Gary Chapman; Quotes compiled by Suzanne Lusk

Love begins, or should begin at home.  –1st  line in acknowledgments

The desire for romantic love in marriage is deeply rooted in our psychological makeup. – ch 1,pg 13

We cannot rely on our native tongue if our spouse does not understand it. If we want them to feel the love we are trying to communicate, we must express it in his or her primary love language. –ch 1, pg 16

Psychologists have concluded that the need to feel loved is a primary human emotional need.  – ch2, pg 19

If we can agree that the word love permeates human society, both historically and in the present, we must also agree that it is a most confusing word. -ch 2, page 19

(Metaphor) “Inside every child is an ‘emotional tank’ waiting to be filled with love. When a child really feels loved, he will develop normally, but when the love tank is empty, the child will misbehave. Much of the misbehavior of children is motivated by the cravings of an empty ‘love tank’.” – ch 2, pg 20

We needed love before we “fell in love,” and we will need it as long as we live. – ch 2,pg 20

But if love is important, it is also elusive. –chapter 2, pg 22

We have been led to believe that if we are really in love, it will last forever. We will always have the wonderful feelings that we have at this moment. – ch2, pg 30

The euphoria of the in-love state gives us the illusion that we have an intimate relationship.  We feel that we belong to each other. We believe we can conquer all problems. – ch 2, pg 31

By nature, we are egocentric. Our world revolves around us. None of us is totally altruistic. The euphoria of the in-love experience only gives us that illusion. –ch 2,pg 32

When your spouse’s emotional love tank is full and he feels secure in your love, the whole world looks bright and your spouse will move out to reach his highest potential in life. –ch 2, pg 34

The object of love is not getting something you want but doing something for the well-being of the one you love. –ch 4, pg 39

I am not talking about pressuring your spouse to do something that you want. I am talking about encouraging him to develop an interest that he already has. –ch 4, pg 41

The manner in which we speak is exceedingly important.  An ancient sage once said, “A soft answer turns away anger.”  When your spouse is angry and upset and lashing out with words of heat, if you choose to be loving, you will not reciprocate with additional heat but with a soft voice. –ch 4, pg43

Love makes requests, not demands. When I demand things from my spouse, I become a parent and she the child. – ch4, pg 45

I explained that what makes one person feel loved emotionally is not always the thing that makes another person feel loved emotionally. –ch5,pg56

It isn’t enough to just be in the same room with someone.  A key ingredient in giving your spouse quality time is giving them focused attention, especially in this era of many distractions. –ch5,pg59

Some husbands and wives think they are spending time together when, in reality, they are only living in close proximity. –ch5, pg59

By quality conversation, I mean sympathetic dialogue where two individuals are sharing their experiences, thoughts, feelings, and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context. –ch5, pg 60

Recent research has indicated that the average individual listens for only seventeen seconds before interrupting. –ch5,pg 64

One of the by-products of quality activities is that they provide a memory bank from which to draw in the years ahead. –ch5, pg69

A gift is something you can hold in your hand and say, “Look, he was thinking of me,” or “She remembered me.” You must be thinking of someone to give him a gift.  The gift itself is a symbol of that thought. –ch6, pg 76

If you are to become an effective gift giver, you may have to change your attitude about money. –ch6,pg 79

There is an intangible gift that sometimes speaks more loudly than a gift that can be held in one’s hand.  I call it the gift of self or the gift of presence.  Being there when your spouse needs you speaks loudly to the on whose primary love language is receiving gifts. –ch6,pg 80

Almost everything ever written on the subject of love indicates that at the heart of love is the spirit of giving. –ch6,pg82

Gifts need not be expensive, nor must they be given weekly.  But for some individuals, their worth has nothing to do with monetary value and everything to do with love. –ch6,pg 86

By acts of service, I mean doing things you know your spouse would like you to do.  You seek to please her by serving her, to express your love for her by doing things for her. – ch7, pg91

“..no one likes to be forced to do anything.  In fact, love is always freely given.   Love cannot be demanded.  We can request things of each other, but we must never demand anything.  Requests give direction to love, but demands stop the flow of love.”-ch7,pg 96

Our actions are influence by the model of our parents, our own personality, our perceptions of love, our emotions, needs, and desires. –ch7,pg 100

Love is a choice and cannot be coerced. – ch7, pg 100

People tend to criticize their spouse most loudly in the area where they themselves have the deepest emotional need. –ch7,pg101

Allowing oneself to be used or manipulated by another is not an act of love.  It is, in fact, an act of treason. – ch7, pg101

Love says, “I love you too much to let you treat me this way.   It is not good for you or me.”-ch7, pg102

Due to the sociological changes of the past forty years, we no longer cling to certain notions of the male and female role in American society.  Yet that does not mean that all stereotypes have been eradicated.  It means, rather, that the number of stereotypes has multiplied.–ch7, pg 102

Physical touch can make or break a relationship.  It can communicate hate or love. –ch8, pg 110

Don’t make the mistake of believing that the touch that brings pleasure to you will also bring pleasure to her. -ch8, pg 111

If your spouse’s primary love language is physical touch, nothing is more important than holding her as she cries. –ch8, pg 111

Your picture of a perfect mate should give you some idea of your primary love language. –ch9, pg 129

We are creatures of choice.  That means that we have the capacity to make poor choices, which all of us have done.  We have spoken critical words, and we have done hurtful things.  We are not proud of those choices, although they may have seemed justified at the moment.  Poor choices in the past don’t mean that we must make them in the future. –ch10,pg133

Love doesn’t erase the past, but it makes the future different.    When we choose active expressions of love in the primary love language of our spouse, we create an emotional climate where we can deal with our past conflicts and failures. –ch10, pg 133

Meeting my wife’s need for love is a choice I make each day.  If I know her primary love language and choose to speak it, her deepest emotional needs will be met and she will feel secure in my love. – ch10, pg 136

Love is something you do for someone else, not something you do for yourself.  –ch10, pg 140

On believing in a spiritual world –   I am significant.  Life has meaning.  There is a higher purpose.  I want to believe it, but I may not feel significant until someone expresses love to me.   When my spouse lovingly invests time, energy, and effort in me, I believe that I am significant.  Without love, I may spend a lifetime in search of significance, self-worth, and security.  When I experience love, it influences all of those needs positively.  I am now freed to develop my potential.  I am more secure in my self-worth and can now turn my efforts outward instead of being obsessed with my own needs.  True love always liberates. –ch11, pg 144

I surmised that perhaps her only hope for marital survival was in her faith. –ch12,pg153

We need not agree on everything, but we must find a way to handle our differences so that they do not become divisive. –ch13, pg168


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