Bernie – Movie Quotes

“Bernie…had the ability to make the world seem kind.”

“Bernie made you feel real good about yourself.”

In describing a map of Texas, Carthage was… “Life behind the pine curtain.”

“When you live in a small place, you have to be nice to people.”

“He was great with the DLOL’s—the Dear Little Old Ladies.”

“Their souls are already with the Lord by the time I’m involved. It’s just my way to serve—to take care of [their funeral] and care for all their loved ones.”

“Can’t think of anyone who’s been that nice to me in 50 years.”

“Bernie had a problem with money—he was generous.  He was overly generous.  He was a buy-aholic.  He saw something he liked and he bought every one they had and then he gave the s*** all away.”

“If it was good for the community, Bernie did it. No matter what.  He really dedicated himself to Carthage.”

“In a small town, people will always suspect the worst of each other, but they’ll also suspect the  best.”

“Bernie was so nice, so accommodating, so unwilling to hurt anybody’s feelings…he just can’t tell anybody to p*** off.”

“It was easy for her [Mrs. Nugent] to disappear.  No one was looking for her.  The only one looking for her was her stock broker.”

“Boot Scootin’ Western Wear—I guess that was Carthage’s answer to Nieman’s.”

“Bernie Tiete, God bless you.  You’ve done more to bless the town of Carthage than anyone else.”

“There really wasn’t any greed in him.  Almost anything he got from Mrs. Nugent he gave to everyone else.”

“I guess I fantasized about her death, but I was never the one responsible for it.” – Bernie

“I shot her.  I shot Mrs. Nugent four times with the armadillo gun.” – Bernie

“No honey, she’s in a nursing home in temple.”

-“No, she’s in a deep freeze heading over to Dallas.”

“No matter what the truth is, Bernie is going to need our prayers.”

Regarding the jury:  “They had more tattoos than teeth and not a brain between them all—and they’re supposed to decide a thing like this?  I wouldn’t let them work on my car!”


Click here to read our Bernie Movie Review.

-Quotes compiled by Stacey Tuttle –