Instructions Not Included – Movie Quotes

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Click here to read SPM’s discussion of Instructions not Included.

John (Johnny) Bravo:  That’s why I named you Valentin, because you’re so brave.

John (Johnny) Bravo:  Tame the fear, son.

Valentin:  Although I can never master the fear, the big ones, the medium ones, the smaller ones…the biggest of fears is commitment.

Any number of women:  Why do you love me?
Valentin:  Because you’re different.

Julie:  I was your “endless love” a year and a half ago…  She’s your daughter.

Valentin to baby Maggie:  The next time I leave you alone and you don’t say anything, I swear I’ll leave you.

A friend:  You’ll have to learn English, because when she starts talking you won’t understand her.

A friend:  I have an idea!  Write to Angelina Jolie.  Tell her the baby is from [an impoverished country] and maybe she’ll adopt her.

Valentin, giving reasons why Maggie should be raised in America:  Movies come out earlier there.  When Twilight came out here, they were already watching Breaking Dawn in America…
If you stay here, you’ll be pretty, but littler and darker…

Truck driver:  Change her already.
Valentin:  I’ll change her for a quiet baby.

Hotel Spa staff:  No children.  [He then lets a dog in.]
Valentin:  But the dog?  Gimme a break.  They let the dog in.

Valentin, trying to remember Maggi’s name:   What was it?  She was named after a sauce.  Cholula?  Tabasco? …  (to Maggie)  I have to learn your name.

Maggie:  I want to be like you when I grow up.
Valentin:  Stunts?
Maggie: No.  Immortal.

Real life no es Disneyland.

Maggie:  My friend says my mom’s like Santa Clause.
Valentin:  Chubby and bearded?
Maggie:  No, because I’ve never seen her….  If she loves me so much, why doesn’t she come and visit me?

Valentin:  I can’t find a politically correct way of telling her, your mama doesn’t love you, so she left you.

Valentin:  She finally came back from paying the cab.

Maggie, negotiating her father’s stunt:  He says, twenty grand and one X-box.

Maggie:  You lied to me?
Julie:  No, he told you that…
Valentin:  So that you wouldn’t forget her, wouldn’t stop loving her.

Valentin:  All my dad wanted was to prepare me.  It was his way of making me, loving me.

Valentin:  [I’ve learned that] Seven years can feel like seventy.   [And] $10 for a cab may end up being the best investment of your life.

Valentin:  My two great loves.  One taught me to be ready to face life.  The other taught me to face life without being ready.  Now together they’re teaching me to face life without them.